Look. I wanted to write this great blog about our day and give you all the run down but I’m going to be honest, I’m really bummed out. I have tried to stay positive throughout this process but it fucking sucks sometimes. Why does it suck today?
Well, first, in case you didn’t read my post about the process I was put under anesthesia today while a doctor used an internal ultrasound and needle to go through my vaginal wall and aspirate the follicles I had. Yay – repeatedly jamming a rather large needle through the sides of my vagina and poking around swollen ovaries, it sounds like so much fun, right? I woke up groggy, bleeding, and cramping and have spent the majority of the day in our hotel bed with a heating pad across my abdomen, dozing off and on.
Second, we had some bad news before the procedure even started. Paul gave his sample and had 0 motility. Basically, although we use a process that injects a single sperm into a mature egg they want to see some sperm moving around.
He had none.
They sent him back to the hotel to try to collect again while I was given consent forms to freeze whatever eggs they were able to get… and told that only half typically survive the thaw. They said they will try to fertilize them with a second sample, but may just go straight to freeze.
Third, we got 6 eggs.
Yes… that sounds awesome if you’ve never done IVF… but it’s not. Usually about half are mature but of course I’ve never had half… usually more like 30%. So then we are down to 2 (assuming my IVF track record continues). About half will fertilize normally, and half of those will survive to day 3, and half of those make it to day 5.
Did you follow all that? 6 eggs, estimated 2-3 to be mature, 1-2 will fertilize normally, 0.5-1 make it to day 3, and 0.25-0.5 make it to day 5 (when they like to transfer)… then 35% of those result in pregnancy for someone my age.
I did all this for an 8.75-17.5% chance of pregnancy.
Hopefully tomorrow brings better news – but for now, if you want me… I’m pouting in a hotel room in Albany with a crampy uterus, an inability to poop, and a shitty attitude. Probably crying in the shower because I don’t want my husband to know how much this all sucks and because he has been so good to me today.
oh, and please don’t tell me “you just need 1” or “8% is better than your 0% chances on your own”. Even at a cheaper clinic this process is still expensive as hell, crazy time consuming, emotionally draining, and isolating… yes, isolating. I have tons of friends that are thinking of us and wishing us the best but I feel like no one can understand what it feels like to be this disappointed after having so much hope.
The IVF Piggy Bank 
Oh you just brought me back to when I was going through all of this, in the end mine did not work , then went through private adoption( twice)
I hope it all worked out for you Anne! We are currently holding out hope on one egg that may or may not have fertilized.